“Jenna, He’s Not Going To Marry You.”
I think I have to be the one to rip the bandage off with a girl who’s waiting to wed.
Jenna* is a friend of mine who has been struggling with her boyfriend, Howard*. I’ll be honest. Howard and I don’t always see eye-to-eye, but he has his redeeming qualities.
Both Jenna and Howard are good people, deep down inside. However, they are not doing well together. Jenna loves Howard a lot more than Howard loves Jenna.
To everyone around her, it’s obvious. Howard likes what Jenna offers him, but he’s keeping his options open. It all culminated in a moment when my other friend pulled her aside and told her the truth:
“Jenna, he’s never going to marry you. I’m sorry.”
Cue Jenna screaming at her, at Howard, and everyone around. When she asked Howard for a straight answer, all he could do is look at the ground and mumble something about him being “still not ready.”
You don’t want to be the girl who is stuck wondering when the guy will propose. You don’t want to be the girl who is trying to convince a man to marry you.
If you’re curious about where you stand, let me give you some signs that marriage is not on the horizon.
He drags his feet with every single major relationship milestone.
Does it feel like you’re the one begging him to let you move in? Did you basically have to beg for him to announce to other people that you’re his girlfriend? This is a bad sign — and honestly, a good reason to break up.
In a good relationship, you’re both gung-ho about going to the next step. You both are excited to plan a life together. If one of you is way more forceful about the trajectory than the other, chances are that the other person isn’t really interested.
In the case of Jenna, Howard kept making excuses as to why he wouldn't move in with her. It has gotten to a boiling point after she demanded he go apartment hunting with her, or they break up.
He began getting pickier and pickier with locations. She even found cheap apartments to his specifications, only for him to say no. It’s clear as day that he just doesn’t want to move with her.
He earned a good living, kept trying to push more finances on her (with her “ideally” paying 75 percent of the household income) and kept purposefully choosing situations she wouldn’t like.
Truthfully? He should have told her that he’d rather drop dead than move with her. This is not the behavior of a man who wants to marry a woman.
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