The Hate On Single Moms Is Getting Unreal
It wasn’t this bad 10 years ago. What gives?
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You know, there are a lot of issues our society tends to have — and one of them deals with the way we treat moms. Married or single, society treats moms like third-class citizens.
The moment the baby comes, women lose their identities. Society expects them to cater to a child’s every need, want, and whim. And if the kid doesn’t behave? People blame the mom, never the dad.
Moms get a lot of hate. They always have. However, there seems to be a growing, seething hate toward single moms that is both alarming and dangerous.
I need to talk about it.
It’s no secret that single moms come with a lot of stigma.
Single moms always had a stigma around them — at least for as long as I’ve been alive. The most common ones I heard were that they slept around, that they were strippers, or that they were somehow less responsible than married moms.
The idea of being a single mom was regularly equated with failure. At the very least, single moms are painted as women who “made a mistake,” or are “down on their luck.”
Growing up, I often was told that single moms were down on their luck.
My neighborhood was egregiously wealthy and conservative, which meant that divorce was just not done. This was as true in the 90s as it is today in that particular slice of America.
Though it was a conservative area, parents were quick to tell us kids that single moms were not bad people. They explained that these were women who were “down on their luck” and should be pitied.
The only real exception to this was widows. If a woman’s husband died, she was treated with the utmost respect. People would often go out of their way to play matchmaker for her or even babysit kids.
Today, I noticed people changing their tune about single moms, but for the worse.
Did anyone else see the “Single Mom Song” that involves bashing women for becoming single moms? It recently went viral on TikTok and rapper Brandon Jamal is to blame for this garbage.
You might already know the lyrics to it. If not, I’ll post the lyrics here:
“Who’s that single bitch with the two-three kids
Saying mеn ain’t shit?
Girl, that’s you
Car seat crime with the windows down
While the tears fall down on the dash
Girl, that’s you
I hope you can handle this read
Like you handle the meat of a nigga
That won’t even claim you
I don’t mean to shame you”
This song went viral on TikTok. More alarmingly, many men claim that it’s basically gospel. Jamal's attitude is one that I’ve seen a lot more frequently in recent years.
The hate men have for single moms is scathing, fiery, and downright disturbing.
Obvi, it’s not all men. However, it seems to be a growing number of men — a vocal group of guys who have drowned themselves in the brainrot of Red Pill, blackpill, and misogyny media.
If you were to listen to these men, then they would say the following things are all true:
Single mothers do not deserve help, love, respect, or attention.
It’s a woman’s fault if she’s single because she should have known her partner would bail.
If a woman divorces the father of her baby, she’s doing it for child support — not for things like self-preservation or being miserable with him.
A woman who is a single mom is not a good partner for a man.
Women have no right to cry about the quality of men if they are single moms.
Single moms probably sabotaged birth control to “trap” the man she had a kid with.
As a viewer of social media, it’s not just the content of the speech that scares me. It’s also the literal seething, boiling hate that you can hear in the voices of these men.
It goes beyond regular misogyny. To me, a lot of these men sound violent and a little unhinged when it comes to the level of hate they have toward the opposite sex.
Obviously, the crap men say about single moms is not true.
Unless a woman decides to go to a sperm bank, it’s unlikely the woman you are talking to chose to be a single mom. Every single woman knows that the majority of childcare will be foisted on her as soon as she pops out a kid.
Most women talk about kids at length, especially if they are with a long-term partner. Half of all pregnancies are planned. Those that aren’t are generally discussed with partners — as in, “Okay, I’m pregnant, what do we do?”
I can’t name how often I’ve heard stories of men begging for a baby only to knock up the woman and leave. Or, in other cases, do nothing with parenting or even abuse her, knowing that it’s harder for her to leave. Of course, there’s also the issue of men stealthing women.
Even the most reliable form of birth control can fail. Pair this with the rollback of Roe v. Wade, and some women might be totally out of luck. Many women can’t abort, even if they want to.
The irony here is not lost on me.
The big crime these men claim women committed was the same one they ask women to do for them: trust them. Think about how often these same guys wonder why women “won’t give a good man a chance.”
The same men who are saying that it’s a woman’s fault for being single are the same ones wondering why women would rather run into a bear than a man in the woods.
What’s even more ironic is that they would be unhappy, unwilling single dads if single moms didn’t step up to the plate. That’s right. The same men who bail would be the ones saddled with their kid if it wasn’t for the mom’s sacrifice.
I mean, think about it. If a woman was forced to give birth to a child she didn’t want and decided to terminate her rights, CPS would likely go to the man whose name is on the birth certificate as the father and tell him to take charge of his kid.
Oh, how fast that table would turn if more women pulled that move!
I wish I understood why so many men hate single moms.
I can absolutely understand not wanting to date a single parent. That’s not my issue. My issue is the rage and loathing that so many men have for these women. A large part of me just doesn’t get it.
To a point, I think it’s because single moms are forced to be independent. They’re living proof that they don’t need a man to survive or in many cases, thrive. They have their families and can provide well for themselves.
Single moms are also proof that women are willing to walk away from men. They also are proof that they don’t need a man’s paycheck. And I think that threatens a lot of weak, miserable men — the very same men who need women more than women need them.
Whatever the reason may be, I’m glad these guys are so vocal about their hate. It makes it easier for ALL women to avoid their sorry asses.
It's hard to tell whether it's getting worse or certain groups are just getting more amplified, but I've certainly noticed a huge uptick in both misogyny and misandry. It's certainly a factor that hate bait has become a foundation of social media; influencers and content creators get paid directly for engagement whether that engagement is good or not, so many people have turned creating rage into a business model. Whether that translates into these views becoming more popular is difficult to measure but I tend to lean towards yes.
I was arguing with a misogynist who made very interesting albeit contradictory points. He believed men should automatically be given custody of children in domestic separation 100% of the time, his reasoning being that he believed men were more mentally stable and could balance raising kids and work better. He then proceeded to argue that men had it worse because they had a higher suicide rate. I pointed out the contradiction that men can't both be more mentally stable and have a higher suicide rate at the same time.
One of the other interesting things he knew was that Saudi Arabia has a higher amount of women entrepreneurs than the US. I believe it was 40% of business owners in SA are women. While he was trying to use that to argue... uh... I forget; something about women being better off in a more patriarchal culture or something; he stopped making sense after a while, but it was interesting to note that it very much implied the US has stopped progressing when it comes to gender equality and what is considered to be less advanced cultures are now moving ahead of them.
Thank you for this Ossiana. It is so disturbing the increased level of hate towards women in general. As an older single mom, my one and only son is 19 now, I understand this all too well. When I was newly divorced years ago, I always was made to feel like I was lucky to just have what I could find in the dating world from the men I met because they all thought I wanted more from them than I actually did. All I wanted was to meet a kind man and fall in love. That was 12 years ago and I am still single but happy to not be putting up with crap any longer. These men I dated all seemed suspicious that I also wanted a new daddy for my son or my bills paid for me. My ex husband of 12 years left me high and dry for a twenty something younger woman he worked with conveniently and then once he filed for divorce from me she in turn dumped his ass and went back to her husband. I never wanted to be a single mom but I guess those woman haters reading this will assume that my ex leaving me is my fault too. I have worked full time as a college educated professional and maintained my own self, home, bills and my son for some time now and without help from a man. Yes my ex paid child support until my son graduated from high school as he should. What I am getting at is this. I think women all over, of all ages are starting to truly de-center men, we are getting out of dating culture, dating apps, in groves because of the foul way most men have consistently treated us while at the same time our reproductive rights are being taken away and most smart women would rather go celibate and stay single happily than put up with this abuse. Men are getting scared because of this so their level of hate is increasing towards us because they can no longer control us in the same way. Anyways, the whole thing is so sad and heartbreaking. I am raising my son to respect women and he does. He has seen how I have been treated by men and he gets it. I love your writing. : )