The Self-Loathing Of Eating Really Terrible Food At A Restaurant
The Self-Loathing Of Eating Really Terrible Food At A Restaurant
As we sat down, I didn’t realize how this could be an allegory for my life.
Did you ever go to a restaurant that made you question how they were still in business? I have, and for the most part, it’s one of those moments when I am actually paid to be there for one PR company’s sake or another.
Most of the time, I can still find something enjoyable for myself. Today, I went to a new chain restaurant serving vegan cuisine — mostly salads and wraps. I went with my mom in a bid to get her to eat healthier.
What happened was the opposite of good.
If you’ve ever had food that was uninviting to all your senses, you may have gone to this restaurant. I had a salad. It smelled like a Subway chain, tasted like dogshit, and also managed to cut my mouth with its “bacon.”
Despite knowing how bad it was, I continued to power through the food.
This is a stupid move. I knew it was bad food. I knew it sucked horribly. But, because mom spent money on it, I didn’t want to make it go to waste. There is a major allegory for life in this moment.
You see, we often will bend over backward to impress other people in hopes that they’ll be happy. Or, we do stupid things because we’re already invested in it and we already “paid into it.”
A wiser person would have put down their fork and said, “This shit’s awful.” But no, I kept eating it, even when mom said that I looked like I was about to ralph.
Part of me didn’t want to admit that I was bested by this evil salad. The other part of me was already committed because I paid for the damn thing.
People often mention eating good food as an act of self-care.
It’s true. You are what you eat. And when you’re eating something that tastes like dogshit, I am going to assume that you might have been feeling somewhat self-loathing, just like I did.
By the middle of the meal, the salad sat in my stomach like a gallon of wine after a bad bender. It hurt. It made my stomach feel sour. And yet, I kept eating it.
After about three-quarters of the way through, I developed a quiet self-loathing. I stared at this cardboard box filled with shit, wondering why I ate it. Was I stupid? Did I hate myself?
We often don’t know why we do the things we do. Why did I continue to eat that salad even after my mother told me to stop eating it? I think it was a matter of investment, trying to prove to myself that it’s not that bad, and something else.
At this point, I felt like I was low-key punishing myself for going to a vegan restaurant that wasn’t recommended to me by vegan friends.
I spent most of today sick as a dog.
If you haven’t noticed, this article is pretty short and rambly. I’m sick and can’t stop groaning. It hurts. I have a cast-iron stomach, but this was the thing that wrecked me: an avocado “BLT” salad.
I’m not even mad, really. I’m impressed. I have a notoriously strong constitution. If this was D&D, my Constitution stat would be 20. I’m famous for being able to eat food fished out of dumpsters.
I’ve eaten some foul food — month-old rotten fish, rotten salad leaves, soup that was made with olive oil as a base, clam juice-soaked beef…However, this had to be one of the worst meals I’ve had at a sit-down restaurant.
If bad food was an artform, this would be the Sistine Chapel of awful food. So, with that said, I’m going to knock out for the night.
Dr R recommends 2 ounces of Pepto Bismol followed by 2 ounces of Jaegermeister ( in Germany that is a legitimate medicine for gastrointestinal upset...). every 2-3 hours until better. Hope you get better soon Ossiana
Your continuing to eat a meal your mother was paying for sounds to me much more like an act of love than of self-debasement.