“Well, Charlie* doesn’t like this, but Trump did another thing that will help the farming class,” said Bobby-Jo.* The three men were in a talk at work, and it was very apparent that Charlie was the odd man out.
You see, Charlie was the only man who voted blue out of the three of them — and boy, did those guys let it show. Every other sentence was a sniping remark, a rib questioning Charlie’s masculinity, or some other moment where it seemed like they were ready to just rub more Trump in his face.
It was a weird thing to experience, even as a second-hand observer. By the time I had spoken to Charlie, he was fuming. His entire afternoon was spent being the verbal punching bag of these two jackasses.
I couldn’t help but feel like there was something going on there that seemed a little too familiar.
Was it the snarky remarks? The catty glances I just knew were being made The weird way that my friend Charlie was being set up to be pushed out? It was all of it.
All of it was familiar.
It’s familiar to anyone who has worked in modeling, influencing, certain parts of publishing, music, fashion, or among teenagers for extended periods of time. In a word, it was the all-too-familiar cattiness that comes with Mean Girl vibes.
If you’ve been a teenage girl or a model, you already know what I’m talking about. Mean Girling is a term I use for a specific form of abuse also known Relational Aggression. For those not in the know, Relational Aggression happens through:
“In-crowd” exclusion with the purpose of destabilizing a person
Snarky backhanded comments that have that weird “wiggle” room of plausible deniability
Use of shame as a way to control others
Gossiping and slandering others to harm their reputation with others
Using the silent treatment
Threatening to cut ties with others if you don’t “fall in line”
Online bullying
Simply put, if a teenage girl would do it to her worst enemy, chances are that it’s Mean Girling. And man…do conservatives really seem to love this bullying technique.
It’s not just about bullying left-leaning people, either.
Most people have already seen a conservative that kept poking fun at liberals or gone out of their way to make a left-leaning person’s day worse. In fact, it almost seems like a sport to do stupid things to “own the libs” while talking about liberal tears.
What most people don’t realize is that it’s not just about harming liberals.
Conservatives also come down on people of their own political leanings, too. In most conservative circles, you’ll notice that everyone tends to go in lockstep with a specific person — the Queen Bee/Regina George/King Bee of the Mean Girls group.
If that King Bee doesn’t like you, they will do things that make sure others know that they don’t like you. You’ll notice the group push certain people down until they fold, or egg them on to try to prove that they’re worthy of hanging with the King Bee and his cronies.
The blowback of a conservative Regina George can be incredibly brutal to watch. This is especially true if that person doesn’t totally follow the stuff the designated leader is saying. Don’t believe it?
Watch how conservative boards react when someone disagrees with the big influencers. The speaker gets dogpiled, trashed, or (if you’re on the propaganda Reddit board r/conservative) banned.
Why are conservatives such bullies?
It’s simple: conservatism is all about following the leader and falling into line. Conservatism, particularly when it comes to the fascism that has taken over the GOP platform, is all about showing strength, falling into line, and culling those who don’t fit the mold.
Fascists and other conservatives tend to view blustering, loudness, and bullying behavior as a sign of strength. They view taking the high road as a sign of weakness — that you’re not willing to fight back on the level of the bully.
This is also why conservatives pretend to be persecuted. They can’t take what they dish out. Crying about it as a sign of “discrimination” is a way to create a double-bind in a social setting. Is it a double standard? Yes. But it’s one they will never acknowledge because that would mean defeat and beign outed as weak.
Bullying is also an intimidation tactic, a warning to others that if you cross the thin red line, you’re going to have a bad time. Mean Girling does two things: it keeps people in line and it proves that you’re “strong” in the conservative sense.
Simply put, being a Mean Girl to others is a way of showing social proof that you are on the “right side” of the King Bee. The King Bee might not know you exist, but you still have to fall in line.
But why is it usually conservatives who act that way?
Conservative propaganda is designed to make certain (large) demographics feel attacked and insecure. More specifically, it’s designed to dig deep into insecurities faced by white people (being replaced) and men (being unwanted).
One thing that has been scientifically linked to conservatism is insecurity. The more insecure a person is, the more likely it is that they’ll lean right-wing. The heirarchy and perceived predictability of it soothes them.
Conservatives are also statistically more likely to be lonely and isolated than their left-leaning counterparts. If you’re lonely, guess what happens when you’re facing the chance of losing what little community you have: you tend to freak out and fight harder.
The end result of all this is that conservatives tend to act like bullies. Guess who else stereotypically tends to be a bully: the insecure kid who is a social outcast.
Conservative Mean Girling is also part of the BITE model for authoritarian control.
If you are a survivor of a cult, then you may have heard of the BITE model. BITE stands for “Behavior, Information, Thoughts, and Emotions.” The idea is simple: control those four bastions, and you are able to erode a person’s independent thoughts and control them completely.
Yes, Mean Girl behavior is part of the BITE model. Obviously, the phrase “Conservative Mean Girling” is not the term that shows up in this phrase. Rather, it shows up when…
Conservatives use specific language to elicit emotions in followers.
This is a part of the “Emotion” Control and the “Behavior” Control parts. Language changes perception. This is why it’s “Obamacare” to them and not “Affordable Care Act.”
They love ACA. They hate Obamacare. That’s why they bitch about Obamacare while they praise ACA. Obama is bad to them, because the GOP told them he’s bad.
They encourage others to bully, rib, or otherwise upset leftists.
This is Behavior Control, but it also works as Information Control. Information Control often happens by limiting the amount of interaction that you have with cult outsiders — often by goading others into pushing them away.
Think about how many people have had to cut conservatives off because they said something awful to them or because they’re just deeply unpleasant to them. It’s a lot!
Clamping down on debate.
This is Thought Control. By “dogpiling” on people, they shut down honest debate that could get people to think for themselves. The less you think for yourself, the better the fascism model tends to work for those in charge.
Praising allegiance while punishing perceived disobedience.
This is the Thought Control and Behavior Control, quite literally the “carrot and the stick” type of deal. Ever notice how the GOP makes everyone a threat that only they are “strong” enough to protect? Ever notice how there’s this weird undertone of reciprocity that is in so many of their speeches?
The idea is to get people to have a weird parasocial relationship with the leader that makes you think that you’ll get rewarded if you’re more loyal. This is why so many people act like Trump is Jesus. They genuinely are so deep in that they think Trump will listen to them.
When people say that conservatism is a cult, they’re right.
It’s true. And the proof is right in the bullying. Conservatives are bullies because it’s the cult’s way of keeping control of their red-hatted sheep. If that bubble were to burst, well…it probably would end the cult.
Thanks for writing this. I have a sibling who definitely exhibits all of this behavior. He claims to be a libertarian, but is a maga conservative in practice. He also claims to be too cool to vote or participate in the political process, which he feels gives him a way out of the discourse if his policies are wrong, or the guy he hates wins.
It’s been a struggle watching him and his wife mean girl their own kids, and then I have to listen about how emotionally unstable he thinks his kids are.
He did actually say something profound to me recently though. He admitted that he’s burned almost every bridge he has by running his mouth without thinking about the consequences of his intolerance and bullying, and he thinks this is due to him being somewhere on the autism spectrum. So he’s in the early stages of getting that checked out. Allegedly. I’m not going to rule that out and I respect him seeking help to correct his behavior, but I feel that the truth of it is that he’s simply an asshole, and that’s the last explanation he wants to have to admit.
Just like their male counterparts who are the ultimate bullies! 😡