My Awkward Issues With “Divine Feminine” Energy…
It doesn’t quite hit the same when your gender is “NO.”
Has anyone else noticed the uptick in “divine feminine” and “divine masculine” energy? These two phrases are all over the internet lately, especially on YouTube and TikTok.
These two terms are mostly about bringing out the positive, powerful, and uplifting elements of each gender. Divine masculine is often described as protective, assertive, and willing to provide. Divine feminine is seen as nurturing, beautiful, and sensual.
I recently had an amazing Instagram Live session with my homegirl Snipping Thorns about the divine feminine and masculine world. She and I shot the shit, and it became clear we had very different takes on this.
I actually respect Rose’s take on things, because she does make a point. Men and women all need to have those safe spaces to act masculine or feminine as they see fit — and to have people who help them find themselves in that world.
However, I still have a lot of issues with these phrases and many (but not all) of the people who promote them. Here’s why.
As a non-binary person, it’s very hard for me to understand the “divine” side of any gender.
Yes, I have long nails and hair. Yes, I was born with girl parts. No, I don’t like said parts. Yes, if I could, I’d have a nullo done on parts of me. I already removed some of my reproductive bits because I hated them so much.
In other words, no, I’m not a woman. I’m not a man. I’m a neither. My gender is no. As someone who never fully felt comfortable with either part of the binary, it feels alien to me to hear about how happy people were being girls or guys.
Anyone can be protective, nurturing, or beautiful. While everyone acknowledges that everyone has both masculine and feminine traits, it still seems odd to me that these traits end up in a binary. Can’t we all just be divine beings?
I joked that we need a “divine thingdom” for people like me for a reason. For lack of a better term, it just doesn’t resonate with me at all.
The bigger issue that I have is more about how it’s marketed to people.
Though Rose saw a lot of benefit in the idea of the “divine feminine” work, she was quick to point out something that I noticed too. Many dating coaches who talk about divine masculine or divine feminine roles talk about it as a way to gain power over the opposite sex.
Too often, I see these relationship coaches talk about how being more “in touch with your divine feminine” will lead to men doing everything for you and having a perfect life. That’s just not healthy, nor is it even true.
There’s also a lot of toxic advice being pushed as “divine feminine” advice.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve noticed an uptick in advice that encourages women to shoot themselves in the foot. In many cases, it’s wrapped up as “divine femininity” coaching.
So far, I’ve heard these coaches advise things like:
“Be more feminine. Drop out of school. Marry a rich guy.”
“Be more feminine. Submit more.”
“Your divine feminine self wants you to have children. I know you said you’re childfree, but you should have a baby.”
“You can’t be divine feminine and wear THAT.”
Uh…this isn’t healthy. This is alarming. And this is advice that will seriously hurt people and possibly ruin their lives.
The other major issue I have is that it also tends to force people into gender roles.
I totally understand that some people might have a hard time figuring out how to express their gender. I mean, my (lack of) gender is literally as hard as you can get to express.
With that said, I don’t fully understand what cisgendered or binary transpeople go through. I literally can’t. It’s beyond the scope of my comprehension — just like my lack of gender might be puzzling to them.
But I can’t help feeling like a lot of this “divine feminine” stuff is another way to reinforce gender roles. I mean, isn’t that what telling women to “be feminine” is?
Who even decides what feminine is? Or what the divine side of it is? Can’t we all just be divine things? It seems like a lot of this movement is more about what women need to be rather than who they are.
With that said, if what you get from it benefits you, then I can’t judge.
A lot of things that I find empowering or helpful are patently toxic for most other people — and yes, that includes my love of clubbing. If you find “divine masculine” or “divine feminine” stuff to benefit you, I can’t argue.
What works for me doesn’t work for others. What works for others won’t work with me. Just be careful as to what you take away from it, because at times, it can be anything but divine.
Love this. All the divine feminine / masculine stuff is bullshit. These things are values, and they’re not gender specific. There’s nothing “divine” about them. If it helps people prioritize the values that they already want to work on, great. But it does no good to reinforce gender stereotypes that don’t work for a significant percentage of people. Just let people be humans and work towards being not-assholes.
I’m a woman-identifying pagan in an eclectic all-women’s circle, and I enjoy the safe space of being with women and focusing on female gods. But some of the members still believe in the “gender binary” and “gender polarity” and “balance between the [two] genders”—and it leaves people out. Rituals celebrating fertility between “the goddess” and “the god” can be beautiful, but why not celebrate other genders, too?