No, Marriage Is Not "Just A Piece Of Paper!"
We need to stop the social gaslighting surrounding this.
I remember when I was still a singleton. Marriage was one of those things I desperately wanted. It was, and still is, a focal point of my life. I love the idea of caring for a man and building a life together.
My exes, though? They didn’t want me like that. And they were totally okay with wasting my time. I was given more “shut up rings” than a pawnbroker, and I wish I was joking about that.
One thing that I never understood about the way society treats women who want to marry is the gaslighting and double-binding they put us through. It’s really insidious, to say the least.
On one hand, if you say you’re not interested in marriage, you’re shamed because you’ll “die alone with cats” or you’re mocked as a “strong, independent woman who needs no man, hueh hueh hueh.”
On the other hand, if you are like I was, then you get shamed for wanting marriage. I can’t name how many times I was asked why I wanted that, told I was a codependent wreck, encouraged to convince guys who were using me, or got told I’m just “not enough to marry.”
The shaming women get surrounding wanting a ring is so fucked up, because it’s often the people we love the most who do this to us. Worse, this is something you have to deal with from both the guys who don’t want to marry you (but adore the benefits, obvi!) and other women.
Lately, I’ve started to hear that a friend of mine is dealing with the same stuff I used to when I was still trying to get married. I feel like I need to say something because this level of gaslighting is unacceptable.