Please, Don’t Marry Her If Any Of These Are True!
Not every woman’s going to be a good match for you, my dude.
Calvin* is a good man.
He’s the type of man who wants to do right by women, even when it’s not the easy thing to do. Lately, he has been facing pressure from his long-term girlfriend Katie* to move the relationship along.
It only takes a quick look at his facial expression to realize that he’s not exactly thrilled about this. He’s in one of those relationships were it’s not quite good enough to progress, but it’s too good to stay.
He doesn’t need her, but he does feel bad about dumping her. Katie is one of the few women who I respect, but don’t think would work out well with my guy friends.
Their relationship is the embodiment of the adage, “You can care for someone but also not be right for them.” That’s why I advised him to do something that shocked him: break up with her.
There are few things as tragic to me as a good man marrying the wrong woman. Fellas, if you’ve been thinking about popping the question, make sure none of these things are true before you do.
You don’t really like her or like being around her.
I think that most men know when they love a person, but don’t like them. If you’re a guy reading this, I want you to ask all the following things:
Do you find yourself physically attracted to her?
Is being alone better than being with her?
Do you feel like you don’t have much in common with her?
Does your life feel better with her in it?
Are you proud and thankful to be with her?
Are you safe around her — emotionally, physically, and financially?
Do you feel confident around her?
Do you love her?
If any of the following don’t ring true, chances are you might not like her, but rather, you like what she provides for you. I’ll be blunt. Should that be the case, the kindest thing you can do to her and your future self is dump her.
It may not be easy for you, but it will be better for both of you in the long run. You may need to learn to stand up on your own two feet again, but you will be happier for it.
You can’t trust her.
The best indicator that you are not right for one another deals with trust. Do you genuinely trust her? I’m not just talking about infidelity here, either.
Marriage has medical and financial connotations. If you had to give her Power of Attorney right now, would you be okay with her making the call for your medical decisions?
If you can’t trust her or feel like she’s not with you for you, move on. Marriage is one of those things that require trust.
If you’ve already caught her in a lie or saw her steal from you or manipulate you, run. This can and should be a dealbreaker for everyone who is involved in a relationship.
She does not like your friends or family members — or refuses to engage with them.
Abuse happens to men too. The first step female abusers do is make it hard for your friends or family to like her. This is never done quickly. It’s done by slowly cleaving you away from your crowd.
The easiest way to do this is to refuse to speak to them, leaving you alone with them while they question why they’ve never met your partner. Or, they may try to start fights with them, speak ill of them, or just make things unpleasant for you to be around them.
If she does this, it may be time to dump her. She’s not wife material because your spouse should enhance your life, not ruin your connections.
Your goals and lifestyles don’t match.
Guys, I’ve seen way too many men make this mistake! Please, please, please, please do not be the person who marries someone hoping they’ll “change their minds” on major things like where to live, kids, or careers.
I have seen so many relationships start out dreamlike, and then turn into a toxic bait-and-switch. It happens to both men and women. Oh, and it always ends in a bitter, acrimonious divorce.
If you are the person trying to change her goals and dreams, then you can stop this from happening to you. You don’t want to hurt her, and while it may hurt you to do so, you need to break up with her.
I assure you, you will have a better time single or being married to someone who’s on the same boat as you. On a similar note, if she’s telling you that she wants you to move somewhere unaffordable for you, that’s a sign.
Your bedroom life is already ailing.
Do we really have to take a trip down Reddit’s r/DeadBedrooms to say this? If your sex life is already ailing or dead, locking it down will not change the situation for the better.
It will only mean that you’re stuck with a partner that doesn’t want to bang you. Moreover, in 10 years or so, it also might mean you’ll be stuck with divorce papers.