The Many Different Types Of Cheaters
Because let’s face it, this is not a one-size-fits-all issue.
Lately, I’ve been on a daytime TV kick. I watched a little Wendy Williams (duh) after the documentary, then decided to turn my attention to Cheaters. Ah, what quality trash TV!
Cheaters is a juicy show that follows people who discover that they’ve been cheated on. Brawls ensue, people get embarrassed, and then everything goes crazy while a narrator explains everything that happens.
As I watched the different couples bicker, it dawned on me. There are different types of cheaters. Some are full red flags. Others, not so much. Because I’m bored, I made a list of them.
The Cake Eater
Did you ever meet someone who had a perfectly happy relationship, but just wasn’t happy with that? This is a person who doesn’t seem happy unless they have a main piece and a sidepiece…or six.
These are Cake Eaters: they want their cake and they want to eat it too.
A lot of Cake Eaters don’t watch much porn. They just have a high sex drive, a flirty nature, and a desire to get as much lovin’ in as possible. Oddly enough, Cake Eaters can be good partners…to people who are on the same wavelength.
Most Cake Eaters are non-monogamous by nature, but don’t quite have the self-control, emotional maturity, and ability to come out and say it. In another life, they’d be amazing bulls, hotwives, swingers, or queanbulls.
Unfortunately, they haven’t actually realized that they are pursuing monogamous people who will leave the moment they try to get their needs met. Or, maybe they do.
Either way, it’s a sign they need to grow up or be honest about their needs. They very likely care about their partners and do well by them, but they do have that issue that makes them incompatible with monogamy.
The Porn/Sex Addict
As someone who’s interviewed tons of porn stars and has written at length about adult films, I can tell you that porn use does affect people when you consume it too much.
Porn addicts are a lot like drug addicts. They don’t care who they hurt, what they do, or who they do it to. They’re looking for a dopamine rush. They often don’t care with who they have sex with and may even burn a hole in their wallets to do so.
Most porn addicts and sex addicts I’ve met run bills up into the hundreds, or even thousands, because they want more access to sex partners. They do this for the validation and for the biochemical rush they have.
In rare cases, they may actually make their own porn — with or without the person’s knowledge. More often than not, they have a multitude of online apps dedicated to dating, porn, OnlyFans, and more.
The Exit Cheater
Did you ever have a relationship that was so awful, you wanted to hurt that person as you left? Some of us have — and if you got to that point, you know what that’s like.
Or maybe, the person wouldn’t “let” you leave unless you cheated. Or perhaps you had a unique situation where you needed an escape plan and place to stay that just so happened to come with a person who you connected with.
This is the saga of the Exit Cheater. Exit Cheaters are often sad, neglected, abused, or the victims of being cheated on themselves. They have all but checked out of their relationship and they are looking to “monkey branch” to the next.
Exit Cheaters are a hit-or-miss. If they have a track record of cheating to get to the next partner, you can bet your ass they’ll do that to you. That means this is a pattern — and they’ll paint you to be the bad guy.
On the other hand, if the Exit Cheater was in an egregiously bad relationship (abuse, extreme neglect), they might actually be a loyal partner in normal situations. Still, you may want to approach with caution.