White, Suburban Women And The Jail Of Their Own Making
A gilded cage is still a cage, even if it's a pretty one.
This is an exclusive, Substack-only article.
So, most of my subscribers have also seen the article I wrote about being rejected by the squad of upper-middle-class women that I thought actually enjoyed me. It’s something that stings, yes, but it’s a phenomenon that I’ve gotten a lot of experience in during my 35 years.
I mean, I grew up in an upper-middle-class (or rich, depending on who you were around) neighborhood. It was normal for people to ask which beach club you went to, or to hear dads talk about playing golf at one of the many country clubs in the area.
I never really belonged to this culture, but I grew up around it enough to notice what the people in it don’t want you to notice. I notice the women who starve themselves to fit into their jeans and the men who obsessively gym to keep up their appearance.
Oh, I also notice how many of these people have bills left unpaid as a result of their need to keep up with everyone around them. In fact, I knew someone who killed himself because of the fact that he could no longer keep up.
It’s strange to see how a culture that’s so aspired-to by many can be such a soul-destroying lifestyle.
Did you ever notice how many people aspire to be upper-middle-class? When I was a street kid, the biggest thing people would mention is that you should “try to get in the suburbs” or “get out the city.”
The biggest aspiration among many of my friends who were never in the ‘burbs was to be in the neighborhoods I fled and be in the cliques that hate me. My friends wanted the yoga mom, the preppy clothing brands, the soccer meetups, and that feeling of being at the peak of society.
Speaking as someone who regularly crosses paths with the world of white upper-middle suburbia, I can tell you that I would never raise my child in that world. Ever. And no, it’s not a matter of it being too expensive.
Rather, I’m learning to view “suburban middle class,” particularly white suburban upper-middle class life, as one of the most dangerous traps in America.