Feminine Men Are Raking It In Right Now (But I’m Not Supposed To Say It)

Wait, isn’t getting laid manly?

Photo by Sean Robertson on Unsplash

“Oh, great. Another little bitch that talks a big game,” I said, marking my notebook again.

It was a couple of months ago. I was running a test of sorts. Like usual, I had a guy who swore up and down he’d meet me for a hookup, only to vanish and ask for a second chance.

By this time, I stopped actually preparing for any sort of meetups — choosing instead to wait for a text for a guy to actually be at a location before I head out the door.

If he actually texted, I’d apologize and run out the door. I’d buy the fucker a drink, maybe actually link up with him. Honestly, once the ghosting started happening, I stopped getting guys to show up from online discourse.

So, I never thought about what I would do if a guy showed up. I just didn’t expect him to. And I was right not to think it would. It’s a letdown, sure, but at this point, I was more morbidly curious as to how often this would happen before I figure out something.

Truth be told, I had already given up on meeting people online. I was mostly doing this for my own discovery. I don’t think the dumbass realized I wasn’t even going to show up unless he called me.

I started to find the number of ghosts and standups to be more or less an experiment.

This was not the norm 20 years ago. And yet, now it was and it coincided with a lot of crap that has made women increasingly unwilling to give men the time of day.

After a while, I noticed a pattern:

1. All the bitchboys were “manly men” who wanted to talk a big game but can’t be arsed to meet up. They also swore, up and down, that they had tons of experience.

2. They are “very sorry” but can’t come up with a reason why they did that. Even if I asked them if they were just not interested, they couldn’t come out and say that. I would have respected them more if they were honest with me.

3. They’re often really angry if I point out they’re too pathetic to actually meet up with a woman they’re allegedly interested in. I actually publicly exposed one, and that’s when he showed up, embarrassed and nervous.

Not going to lie, I’m more angry at the negativity this bait-and-switch breeds than at the men themselves. It’s a massive strike across the face to see how little men care about their date’s time.

That shit is hurtful. And it’s way too pervasive, and it’s far too common to see men treat it like it’s no big deal. There’s clearly something wrong with guys who can’t even treat a potential lay like a person.

I was actually at a smoke shop when the clerk pointed out something interesting.

I’d been flirting with the clerk for a minute, but he kept getting skittish. It was getting a little old, so I stopped flirting and asked him if it was making him uncomfortable. I asked if I should stop.

He said that no, he likes it.

I asked him what’s up and he straight up said, “You’re extremely aggressive when you’re horny. How am I supposed to feel like a man if you’re looking at me like you’re about to tear me apart?”

“But you want me to keep flirting with you?”

“Yes, because it’s hot and it makes me feel like a man.”

“But you don’t want me to be like, actually horny for you.”

“I do. It’s just when you actually approach me…Well, that’s scary. When you look at me like that, I feel my dick going into my body. You’re scary.”

“But you said you want to sleep with me?”

“Yes, but could you not be so aggressive about it? Like, let me be the man or something.”

“I was literally just looking at you a little hungry. Am I not supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know, can you try to look more demure or like afraid of me or something? It might help.”

If there could be a cartoon of a hamster on a hamster wheel having a seizure, then dying in my brain, that’s the best verbal depiction of my brain at the time. I looked at him confused, bought my shit, and that was the last I flirted with him.

Hm.

Since then he seems upset that I won’t give him the time of day.

That tracks with the lines of no-shows.

Are these “manly men” scared?

Of lil’ ol’ me?

Wait, aren’t guys supposed to like casual sex?

For someone as neurodivergent as me, it just didn’t make sense. Why would men be afraid of women they say they want to sleep with? Shouldn’t they be relieved when someone shows interest? Why are women so scary that they can talk up a big game but just bail when actually presented with a girl?

At first, I thought this was some kind of weird manosphere power play, but that wouldn’t explain how so many men were all behaving the same way. I thought maybe it was them enjoying hurting me, but the meetup with the apologetic guy proved otherwise.

No, I think these “alpha” males are actually just piss-scared of actually approaching women. Their reaction is the same as a dog that just caught the wheel of a running car — they bludgeoned themselves with their own success.

A quiet trend might be getting louder.

I looked at the bunch of numbers I blocked on my phone. I also noticed something else: the more masculine they tended to act, the more likely they were to land in this pile. The more feminine a man is, the more likely it was that he’d show up.

Recently, a female friend of mine called Callie* started dating a new guy. She had, after months of trying to get her typical “gym bro” type, kept having the same issue happen. She ended up meeting a good-looking guy with long hair while out and about.

Day-to-day, he seems like a pretty manly-looking dude. Callie was shocked to find out that he occasionally dresses in drag for performances. Not only that, but he looked fabulous doing it.

Callie had called me up to give me a heads up: her sex life has been off the chain. She just had to gush about it. I’m happy for her. Not for nothing, but seeing someone have a healthy sex life is a rarity these days.

“You know, I never realized this until now, but I’m really digging these femme-type guys,” she said. “I feel safer around them because I don’t have to worry about them flipping out over some fragile masculinity shit.”

She’s absolutely right.

It takes a certain type of guy to be comfortable wearing a dress, letting his hair long, or even just to paint his nails. That type of guy doesn’t worry about what people think about him or if they think he’s “man enough” for them.

Her story seems to be a quiet trend I’ve begun to notice among women: more and more women are avoiding masculine types in favor of men who appear more effeminate.

There’s some serious irony here, of course.

It’s interesting that so many men are lost in the way of being a man — often going to the gym, following manfluencers to guide them, and trying to get the attention of anything with a vagina in order to feel more masculine.

They’re so upset about trying to “be a man” that they never really took time to define it as they want to. They’re so desperate for women to see them as attractive or manly, they don’t actually enjoy the sex they could have.

They’re so obsessed with being seen as strong, cool, and desirable, they don’t actually do anything to be desirable to be around. In fact, they actively burn the bridges they should be building if they wanted to actually have fun.

A lot of men in this genre keep talking about how everything they do is for women — attracting them, sleeping with them, impressing them…But is it really? Are all those hours at the gym, listening to Andrew Tate, and souping up cars to attract women?

It seems like for men like this, impressing other guys over perceived “man points” is the true name of the game.

The more I look at the “femme boys” of social media, the more they make sense.

I’m in a weird place in life where I see a lot of hot guys in my day-to-day, many of whom don’t get laid regularly. Others, however, have managed to make a business of being women’s rental boyfriends — online via OF and in-person.

For the average guy, they can’t imagine that women would be willing to pay for a man’s company. Speaking as someone who absolutely would be a sugar mama if my businesses take off, it’s true.

Women absolutely are willing to pay for a fun time with a guy. This is doubly true for women who have a lot on their plates and don’t have time to bullshit on dating apps.

It’s not surprising to hear that many male OF models end up having rabid, crazy fans who are women. I also wasn’t surprised to hear that my ex recently had a woman pay $2,000 to fly him across the country for a fling.

My ex wasn’t a very good-looking guy, but he cheated on me and his fiancée with about six other women. People often wondered how he did it. It’s simple: he made being around him very enjoyable — even if he wasn’t a bodybuilder or particularly well-endowed.

He knew how to make a woman feel validated, cared for, and attractive. He showed up when he booked dates. So despite him laying it on thick, he got a lot of women.

Here’s the secret why some men are raking it in with women while most others fail.

The thing is, for a man to become desirable to women to the point of them actually getting sugar mamas, full-booked calendars filled with dates, and more, they have to market themselves in a way that is attractive, enjoyable, and safe in the eyes of women.

Guys who care for themselves, stay clean, get a nice sense of fashion, and eat well are hot guys. Those “femme” styles take a lot of time and effort to pull off well. I ought to know. When I “masc up,” I go for the prettyboi look and it is difficult to work with.

Men who are comfortable in both their masculine and feminine sides don’t flip out when women ask for equal rights and opportunities. Feminist men are what women view as safe men, because we don’t have to worry about them trying to break our legs if we choose to walk away.

Guys who are emotionally healthy enough to not care if a guy calls them “gay,” are willing to admit when they did something wrong, or don’t spazz if a girl rejects them, are hot because women don’t have to worry about them flipping out if things don’t work out.

It takes time, self-discovery, and effort to get to that level of emotional wellness. And no, you can’t really “Andrew Tate” that into existence. The mask always falls on an insecure man.

So think about what that means.

There’s this ongoing trend around hypermasculinity online. Men are talking about how manly they are for making tech companies, doing MMA, doing things like hunting, all while talking about how much they hate doing things perceived as feminine.

It’s so interesting to see how often men are being told to flaunt that type of masculinity to be attractive to women. So many swear it works, despite the increasingly growing online sphere of women warning other women about the horror stories they have from life with “manly men.”

The manosphere doesn’t get it. It’s not about masculinity being attractive. Women just want emotionally healthy men who are interested in pursuing them. Women just want an enjoyable time — and the shit tests manosphere men use are not fun!

It’s not surprising to see how many women are starting to view performative masculinity as a red flag. At best, toxic masculinity will mean men don’t show up on dates they book. At worst, it may mean they’ll abuse the shit out of the poor victims they date.

If you’re a more feminine type, keep rocking.

Whether they’re cishet or LBTQIA doesn’t matter. The femme boys got their priorities straight and they seem to be well aware of how good they’re having it.

They care about themselves and cultivate their emotional wellness enough to not flip out if a date sucked. If they’re dealing with a lot of rejection, they’re fine. They just go out, relax, and maybe get a new outfit.

There’s a growing spectrum of femme in the world of manhood, and it’s becoming increasingly desirable among women. It’s not just an aesthetic shift, either. It seems to be an emotional shift taking place behind the eyes of men everywhere.

There’s no one single way to be a feminine man, either. Femme boys run the gamut from manly but very manicured and style-conscious, to men who fit the bill as goth or emo, to men who tend to put me to shame when they decide to “femme up.”

Trust me when I say femme boys are the new sexy geek — and I mean that in the best way possible. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta call Callie. She’s got a lot of stuff to fill me in about.

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Is dating totally broken?