It's also about respect. I never held with the idea of treating someone like dirt to get them to like me- it's also not in my nature...I'd feel bad doing that. I preferred to work through laughter and cooking.
The guys that profess to be manly men just aren't. If you have to tell people you are...well, fuck right off. Here's a fine example of this. Driving home yesterday I was behind a pickup truck. It was jacked up, shiny, probably never saw a day of work, and had, yes, a Punisher symbol on the back window. Across the entire tailgate was decaled "PANTY DROPPER". I promise you...he's absolutely not.
The guy has a "Punisher" sticker and probably has NO IDEA What is means, because he is stupid. The Punisher is a cartoon character and was played by real actors as well. He is similar to Batman in that bad guys took his family and now he protects others from suffering the same fate. just like Batman only he wears regular clothes, he looks like a normal person, not a human bat thing or whatever it is.
My mom is an old-school Steinem-style feminist who taught me right. I’ve been married for 22 years now and I’ve had many other partners. If I can do it, anyone can. Try treating women as people rather than status symbols. It ain’t hard.
You nailed it with “perceived.” Being Crone-wise and an ardent observer of communication styles, I’ve noticed many men of your age group appear to care more about how other men see them than women. It is a sad syndrome when instead of just dealing one’s own inner critic becomes the internet committee based on false narratives.
If the BS "alpha male" schtick is what our society thinks being a man is then it's no wonder I was so bad at it You make a good point here. But this type of man will do literally anything but work on himself.
Looky here, not the first time in history feminine men were killing it. Look at Jesus. That dude had no testosterone at all and he's worshiped by half the planet.
There was a big change in the 1980s, probably a reaction to feminism, demanding greater sexual dimorphism in gender roles. Weirdly, I think the new gender rules were based on extreme gay stereotypes. Girls were expected to be even more feminine like "lipstick lesbians", and men were expected to be even more masculine like the Nazi hunks fantasized by Tom of Finland.
That was when girls' toys pinked out and with Barbie going way past 36-24-36, and boys' toys growing crazy muscles on muscles. There used to be a doll hospital on - I think - Lexington Avenue, and we used to joke about Barbie coming in for her eating disorder and GI Joe for his anabolic steroid problems. Just look at the body types, Sean Connery as James Bond versus Arnold Schwarzenegger as just about anything.
If you looked at masculine role models before then, even relatively extreme ones like Playboy's idealized playboy with his emphasis on dressing well, good grooming, being up to date on the arts, and knowing how to chat up women, they were suddenly too feminine for the 1980s. At least the Playboy playboy wasn't scared of women and got laid now and then.
All I can say is that it is a false notion that all men like casual sex. Some men and though lesser in numbers and some women also like casual sex. But we are not wired for that. We are wired to live in small community groups that we have lived in for almost three million years. While there was no strict sex rules in these groups people did have preferences and tended to commit to long term relationships. This goes for men and women. It was important for our survival to live in these commuinty groups and form long lasting relationship with the humans in the group. A single human could not possibly survive alone in the ancient world, with Saber tooth Tigers, Croaks and Alligators (still a serious danger), Lions, panthers, vemonous snakes like rattlesnakes and Cobras ect. ect. A lot of things in the ancient world wanted to either harm us or eat us, that is why we joined together, realizing full well that together as a group we have a better chance of living. There are even dangers from our own kind, but again living together in groups gives us some protection. Casual sex therefore does not really fit in this model of survival. Nothing has really changed that much, we still need to live in groups, which would disfavor sexual relationships outside the group. We are doing this for safety and survival, not necessarily for moral or religious reasons.
Mostly not interested in "hookup". Want to get to know a person along with enjoying the path / road to intimacy. Willing to use condoms, however my body does not cooperate and I lose erections -- even with a "hot" / "eager" / 'horny" partner. So I have to play naked -- and a bit cautious.
Not turned off by eager partner, just need to move a bit slower.
Very comfortable around emotions and feelings -- and I hate ghosting. I want to meet and connect.
Thank you for the update on this part of your life! It’s fascinating to hear more about those guys who are intimidated by women who know what they want— and shocking to learn that they’re not bold enough to appreciate it!
I have more to ponder about men now. I’m really suspecting that many men are not dealing with either their emotional stuntedness or their queerness.
Interesting read. But sometimes I think you're saying feminist men have to be effeminate. I've been a feminist man most of my adult life, but not effeminate. Being a 'man' has more to do with being dependable, self-reliant, responsible, not easily threatened, physically activity if possible; striving always to increase moral strength. Of course a woman can manifest all these things. But I think for many women being seen as 'attractive' is more important generally than for men. Tho that could be partly because of patriarchy. Sometimes I feel your male definitions are too boxed in.
The fact that we live in a society that "protects us" by police, military and social structure allow you to have an open marriage. 3 million years ago when we all lived in small groups with many dangers and many things wanting to kill us or eat us you would not be able to have the luxury of an "Open Marriage". I am not saying it is right or wrong I am just saying that things change over time depending on what is necessary for us to do in order to survive.
Looky here, we have only been around in modern form for 300,000 years. Additionally your assumption that people in prehistory had customs such as marriage and monogamy is kind of a big leap. But ultimately nobody can say for sure.
It's also about respect. I never held with the idea of treating someone like dirt to get them to like me- it's also not in my nature...I'd feel bad doing that. I preferred to work through laughter and cooking.
The guys that profess to be manly men just aren't. If you have to tell people you are...well, fuck right off. Here's a fine example of this. Driving home yesterday I was behind a pickup truck. It was jacked up, shiny, probably never saw a day of work, and had, yes, a Punisher symbol on the back window. Across the entire tailgate was decaled "PANTY DROPPER". I promise you...he's absolutely not.
He obviously meant he like to wear women's underwear, because that's the only way it could be true.
The guy has a "Punisher" sticker and probably has NO IDEA What is means, because he is stupid. The Punisher is a cartoon character and was played by real actors as well. He is similar to Batman in that bad guys took his family and now he protects others from suffering the same fate. just like Batman only he wears regular clothes, he looks like a normal person, not a human bat thing or whatever it is.
There was a magnificent Punisher / Archie crossover comic back in the 1990s. The Punisher comes off pretty well, and, well, Archie was Archie.
The Punisher is a good guy who respects both women and children, as he loved both before they were brutally and horribly taken away from him.
My mom is an old-school Steinem-style feminist who taught me right. I’ve been married for 22 years now and I’ve had many other partners. If I can do it, anyone can. Try treating women as people rather than status symbols. It ain’t hard.
Preach! That is a message that needs amplified.
You nailed it with “perceived.” Being Crone-wise and an ardent observer of communication styles, I’ve noticed many men of your age group appear to care more about how other men see them than women. It is a sad syndrome when instead of just dealing one’s own inner critic becomes the internet committee based on false narratives.
If the BS "alpha male" schtick is what our society thinks being a man is then it's no wonder I was so bad at it You make a good point here. But this type of man will do literally anything but work on himself.
Looky here, not the first time in history feminine men were killing it. Look at Jesus. That dude had no testosterone at all and he's worshiped by half the planet.
One of my favorite songs from the past which highlights my pure yum for women is Desire by Meg Meyers.
It just encompasses everything I have known about women when they feel safe and trusted and can be the awesome people they are.
110%
No woman or even man wants a fragile person in bed with them let alone have sex or dare I say sleep.
So this makes sense totally.
I have a femme boy but he's gay. Hahaha. Very sensitive and a great kid.
❤️
There was a big change in the 1980s, probably a reaction to feminism, demanding greater sexual dimorphism in gender roles. Weirdly, I think the new gender rules were based on extreme gay stereotypes. Girls were expected to be even more feminine like "lipstick lesbians", and men were expected to be even more masculine like the Nazi hunks fantasized by Tom of Finland.
That was when girls' toys pinked out and with Barbie going way past 36-24-36, and boys' toys growing crazy muscles on muscles. There used to be a doll hospital on - I think - Lexington Avenue, and we used to joke about Barbie coming in for her eating disorder and GI Joe for his anabolic steroid problems. Just look at the body types, Sean Connery as James Bond versus Arnold Schwarzenegger as just about anything.
If you looked at masculine role models before then, even relatively extreme ones like Playboy's idealized playboy with his emphasis on dressing well, good grooming, being up to date on the arts, and knowing how to chat up women, they were suddenly too feminine for the 1980s. At least the Playboy playboy wasn't scared of women and got laid now and then.
You have a point about the "Tom of Finland's" look, even children's cartoons got 'roided out even the villain in "He-Man" was a 'roided out Skeletor!
All I can say is that it is a false notion that all men like casual sex. Some men and though lesser in numbers and some women also like casual sex. But we are not wired for that. We are wired to live in small community groups that we have lived in for almost three million years. While there was no strict sex rules in these groups people did have preferences and tended to commit to long term relationships. This goes for men and women. It was important for our survival to live in these commuinty groups and form long lasting relationship with the humans in the group. A single human could not possibly survive alone in the ancient world, with Saber tooth Tigers, Croaks and Alligators (still a serious danger), Lions, panthers, vemonous snakes like rattlesnakes and Cobras ect. ect. A lot of things in the ancient world wanted to either harm us or eat us, that is why we joined together, realizing full well that together as a group we have a better chance of living. There are even dangers from our own kind, but again living together in groups gives us some protection. Casual sex therefore does not really fit in this model of survival. Nothing has really changed that much, we still need to live in groups, which would disfavor sexual relationships outside the group. We are doing this for safety and survival, not necessarily for moral or religious reasons.
Mostly not interested in "hookup". Want to get to know a person along with enjoying the path / road to intimacy. Willing to use condoms, however my body does not cooperate and I lose erections -- even with a "hot" / "eager" / 'horny" partner. So I have to play naked -- and a bit cautious.
Not turned off by eager partner, just need to move a bit slower.
Very comfortable around emotions and feelings -- and I hate ghosting. I want to meet and connect.
Still looking
Thank you for the update on this part of your life! It’s fascinating to hear more about those guys who are intimidated by women who know what they want— and shocking to learn that they’re not bold enough to appreciate it!
I have more to ponder about men now. I’m really suspecting that many men are not dealing with either their emotional stuntedness or their queerness.
Interesting read. But sometimes I think you're saying feminist men have to be effeminate. I've been a feminist man most of my adult life, but not effeminate. Being a 'man' has more to do with being dependable, self-reliant, responsible, not easily threatened, physically activity if possible; striving always to increase moral strength. Of course a woman can manifest all these things. But I think for many women being seen as 'attractive' is more important generally than for men. Tho that could be partly because of patriarchy. Sometimes I feel your male definitions are too boxed in.
Oh no, you don't have to be effeminate to be a feminist. It does, however help to be effeminate if you are a male Onlyfans model.
Really? Hmm, they sent me 20 bucks to join once 😅
I thought you were married.
Or in a serious relationship.
You would answer my comments as such a year or so ago.
What's your story ?
Open marriage plus high libido
The fact that we live in a society that "protects us" by police, military and social structure allow you to have an open marriage. 3 million years ago when we all lived in small groups with many dangers and many things wanting to kill us or eat us you would not be able to have the luxury of an "Open Marriage". I am not saying it is right or wrong I am just saying that things change over time depending on what is necessary for us to do in order to survive.
Looky here, we have only been around in modern form for 300,000 years. Additionally your assumption that people in prehistory had customs such as marriage and monogamy is kind of a big leap. But ultimately nobody can say for sure.
Yeah but ugly guys are generally the most abusive in my experience. I learned to avoid them out of fear that they'll hit me
Of course sometimes "pretty" and ugly is in the eye of the beholder!!