I am glad you mentioned NOT bringing children into such a relationship. I knew that when I wanted children I had to stop "fooling around" and get committed to one person who would be the father of my children. Fortunately I met someone who had the same idea. We have three children, now adults and also I have one grandson. We have never regreted our decision.
Amazing commentary on Poly. I help Open Social in NYC and I love seeing more information on the subject get out there. Even my Rabbi has openly stated that they are exploring including poly marriage in what they do. Awesome.
I like that you say it’s probably not for many. It’s not. Myself. I find two at most is what I can handle. 2 main partners and then maybe dating others. I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. In fact when any partner tells me they want to be with someone I’m like “can I watch?” Or “can I join?” Or “tell me more about it while you turn me on and let’s make out while I tell me”. Lol
But time for me is a problem. You need to give time to your partners. And in NYC, that gets hard.
Great post! Very insightful and honest. My trans firstborn is in a poly relationship. I guess it’s working out??? But for the life of me, I can’t understand it. All the things you said I have thought. And on visiting them they don’t seem deliriously happy.
I don’t think I could be polyamorous if I weren’t childfree. I also don’t want marriage and I travel for work. Polyamory just fits. My very religious parents don’t know that my partner and I are polyamorous. They don’t need to know (at this point). My partner is dating a few people…I am dating one other person. I am happy being functionally/circumstantially monogamous, but could never be monogamous for life. I like your honest take here.
You would be surprised when you have children how it changes you and you want to be a family which means you do not screw around anymore. Again singles should be as free as they want to be and I was, but it changes when you have children.
I agree with everything but the kids part and thats because Ive seen happy thriving kids with poly parents. But I do believe it takes the right people and the right kids.
My partner and I are polyish and have an open relationship but we practice hierarchy and it works well for us! He doesnt want other girlfriends and I dont want other girl/boy friends but we like the idea of fwb and flirting and potentially hooking up with others IF we want! We been together for 5 years and open for 3 and are now getting married next month! Our friends know and wish they could do what we do but our families do bot and we dont care to tell them.
Yes!! People need to know this shit! If you can't communicate, or your partner can't, you can't do it x 5 other people either. Love may multiply, but time is finite.
1. I was warned (too late) that openening a relationship is a great way to destroy it. The open ones with the best success started that way.
2. Ladies will be more "popular" than men. My ex needled for a "hot nurse" for a decade so we opened up. He took to raping me in my sleep. Another friend opened theirs at his pressure and woke up to him strangling her. If someone has even a streak of jealousy, don't fucking risk it. You would not BELIEVE the bullshit he put in his 400 page response to my custody filing.
3. Aaaah, the unicorn hunters, fuck them all. No don't: Do your own work in your relationships instead of finding someone with no needs of their own to do it.
4. Lots of swingers too, especially the big "world class european" poly talkers who come while entering and throw their back out pulling out. Yes this really happened. The best lovers aren't using their mouths to talk about it.
5. Had myself a girlfriend collector and led somewhat of an exodus leaving him (all I did was demonstrate some self respect and dump him, I guess it looked like a good idea?) to collect a new set. He got so greedy he would be arranging dates with others during our limited time together.
Then there was his friend, the married cheater (who fucking bruised my tits then sicced his fucking wife on me - I didn't lie to anyone or cheat on anyone, get your dog on a leash).
6. I was pointedly not poly when in the breeding years, we opened things after my hysterectomy. I'm in a monogamous dynamic now. When I wasn't, that was all done completely outside of my domestic life.
7. Also: nightmares with primaries. A LOT of women were not okay with their open relationships when I sent their husbands home too happy. I don't unicorn, but some of the wives fucked me over pretty hard just the same.
One wife decided her husband could have a new girlfriend and it would come out of my time. I was not consulted. Just as I give people enough rope to hang themselves, I give them enough space to implode too. No drama, just, "I signed up for amoury and see nothing but fuckery, enjoy an extra night to fuck someone else"
At least 3 others "decided" they weren't open marriages anymore. My heart took one for the team, but they are safely corralled where they belong now.
8. I've met people also damaged by poly upbringing and promiscuous parents/oversharing. I saw and heard my mom do shit I sure wish I'd missed.
9. Don't ask don't tell is bullshit. Your partner is okay with it or not.
I am glad you mentioned NOT bringing children into such a relationship. I knew that when I wanted children I had to stop "fooling around" and get committed to one person who would be the father of my children. Fortunately I met someone who had the same idea. We have three children, now adults and also I have one grandson. We have never regreted our decision.
Amazing commentary on Poly. I help Open Social in NYC and I love seeing more information on the subject get out there. Even my Rabbi has openly stated that they are exploring including poly marriage in what they do. Awesome.
I like that you say it’s probably not for many. It’s not. Myself. I find two at most is what I can handle. 2 main partners and then maybe dating others. I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. In fact when any partner tells me they want to be with someone I’m like “can I watch?” Or “can I join?” Or “tell me more about it while you turn me on and let’s make out while I tell me”. Lol
But time for me is a problem. You need to give time to your partners. And in NYC, that gets hard.
Love ur post and love your words. ✌️
Great post! Very insightful and honest. My trans firstborn is in a poly relationship. I guess it’s working out??? But for the life of me, I can’t understand it. All the things you said I have thought. And on visiting them they don’t seem deliriously happy.
It got trendy for a minute there too. Gained some exposure.
I don’t think I could be polyamorous if I weren’t childfree. I also don’t want marriage and I travel for work. Polyamory just fits. My very religious parents don’t know that my partner and I are polyamorous. They don’t need to know (at this point). My partner is dating a few people…I am dating one other person. I am happy being functionally/circumstantially monogamous, but could never be monogamous for life. I like your honest take here.
Yup!
It's nobody's business, really. They made their relationship decisions, you should get to too. <3
Agreed, but like, it sucks that CPS can take away kids because of this
You would be surprised when you have children how it changes you and you want to be a family which means you do not screw around anymore. Again singles should be as free as they want to be and I was, but it changes when you have children.
I agree with everything but the kids part and thats because Ive seen happy thriving kids with poly parents. But I do believe it takes the right people and the right kids.
My partner and I are polyish and have an open relationship but we practice hierarchy and it works well for us! He doesnt want other girlfriends and I dont want other girl/boy friends but we like the idea of fwb and flirting and potentially hooking up with others IF we want! We been together for 5 years and open for 3 and are now getting married next month! Our friends know and wish they could do what we do but our families do bot and we dont care to tell them.
I can vibe with that.
I've known poly people that do it badly. I already know I'm not cut out for polyamory, hell, I don't even want to be in a relationship period.
Yes!! People need to know this shit! If you can't communicate, or your partner can't, you can't do it x 5 other people either. Love may multiply, but time is finite.
1. I was warned (too late) that openening a relationship is a great way to destroy it. The open ones with the best success started that way.
2. Ladies will be more "popular" than men. My ex needled for a "hot nurse" for a decade so we opened up. He took to raping me in my sleep. Another friend opened theirs at his pressure and woke up to him strangling her. If someone has even a streak of jealousy, don't fucking risk it. You would not BELIEVE the bullshit he put in his 400 page response to my custody filing.
3. Aaaah, the unicorn hunters, fuck them all. No don't: Do your own work in your relationships instead of finding someone with no needs of their own to do it.
4. Lots of swingers too, especially the big "world class european" poly talkers who come while entering and throw their back out pulling out. Yes this really happened. The best lovers aren't using their mouths to talk about it.
5. Had myself a girlfriend collector and led somewhat of an exodus leaving him (all I did was demonstrate some self respect and dump him, I guess it looked like a good idea?) to collect a new set. He got so greedy he would be arranging dates with others during our limited time together.
Then there was his friend, the married cheater (who fucking bruised my tits then sicced his fucking wife on me - I didn't lie to anyone or cheat on anyone, get your dog on a leash).
6. I was pointedly not poly when in the breeding years, we opened things after my hysterectomy. I'm in a monogamous dynamic now. When I wasn't, that was all done completely outside of my domestic life.
7. Also: nightmares with primaries. A LOT of women were not okay with their open relationships when I sent their husbands home too happy. I don't unicorn, but some of the wives fucked me over pretty hard just the same.
One wife decided her husband could have a new girlfriend and it would come out of my time. I was not consulted. Just as I give people enough rope to hang themselves, I give them enough space to implode too. No drama, just, "I signed up for amoury and see nothing but fuckery, enjoy an extra night to fuck someone else"
At least 3 others "decided" they weren't open marriages anymore. My heart took one for the team, but they are safely corralled where they belong now.
8. I've met people also damaged by poly upbringing and promiscuous parents/oversharing. I saw and heard my mom do shit I sure wish I'd missed.
9. Don't ask don't tell is bullshit. Your partner is okay with it or not.