Again often the "trauma" of the father is self-inflicted. The father could always agree to take responsibility of the child like in the situation I described where there was no abortion because the father took responsibility for his actions. BUT Father's almost NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR WHAT THE FATHER CREATED. Every child has to have a father.
In the story about the man whose girlfriend had an abortion. I wonder, did the man agree that when his child was born he would take the child into his custody and take care of the child for the rest of his life and not bother the birth mother with caring for the child??? I remember a situation where a man actually did this and his girlfriend who was going to get an abortion decided not to and gave the man his child when she was born. The mother never had anything else to do with the child. The problem is that the father usually wants nothing to do with the child that He MADE (It takes two people to make a child), he wants the mother to take full care of the child and the father is just going to live his life as he pleases. If a father wants to take full responsibilty for a child he helped create then the the mother will gladly have the child and give him or her the father. I ONLY KNOW OF ONE CASE WHERE THE FATHER TOOK RESPONSIBLITY FOR THE CHILD AND THERE WAS NO ABORTION. There did not need to be, but again this NEVER happens. Men want women to take all the responsibility and share none of it even though every child by nature has to have a father.
Thank you for writing this. It's a tough situation, the woman must have the ultimate choice (my partner says this), but the perspective child is of both parents. Discernment might have saved his heartbreak. If he was banging women who wanted children the outcome may have been different. It seems like a conversation that should be had as you might for STIs or sexual history. I know not all people do. It's strange to be that intimate with someone you can't have an important conversation with.
Abortion is also traumatic for women, by the way. So is miscarriage. The pregnancy hormones make it a little harder.
now genetic test can prove with 99percent accuracy who is the actual father. Modern science has made it possible for Father's to take the responsibility for their actions and that do not have to worry that they are raising someone's else child. No one is argueing that a father cannot voluntarily take care of his child, but they rarely do in actual practice.
I was pro-life and my wife aborted our child. In 2017 after I did the therapy to deal with rape, I changed to pro-choice. I am also Catholic and I understand and appreciate the importance of free-will choice.
Becoming a feminist also helped big time.
That being said, my "trauma" from this did affect me. I wanted children and family and after that happened, I went numb in a way similar to my rape.
I still am affected to this day, but my feelings and what not are on me. As for processing it, I realized that the abortion choice was also part of my issue and fault too. How? While it isn't my body, I didn't provide the proper safety and love necessary in the relationship at the time.
Later in the relationship my wife was interested in having children, but my desire went up in smoke.
Does my trauma and feelings matter? Yes, but does it matter enough to strip a woman's bodily autonomy? Fuck no.
As for the shit show of reproductive access? It appalls me to wach the pick me girls and the abusive boy-man children scream about fetus rights and what not. These folks are horrible, and TBH, I would want them to get "nailed" on their trigger points. In Texas, it should be requiring them to consent training, LGQBTIA+ acceptance, or most importantly for some of them. Banning children from Church and religion as it is like sex. Children can't consent ...
But free-will matter so I have to work out and process my "feelings", which I have seen most men and some women can't or won't.
Lots of great points. There is also often a “narcissistic injury” at play in the “loss of future” scenario.
As well as the “homunculus” notion that he IS his sperm.
Another aspect is the tragedy playing out in states with bans is the 100% valid male helplessness and rage watching a beloved woman suffer needlessly when a (wanted) pregnancy goes wrong.
Can you imagine watching your wife bleed out in a parking lot because no doctor would operate on her ectopic (for example)
Or learning as a couple that your fetus has an incurable cardiac condition that will enable possibly a few hours of painful life after birth … seeking 2nd and 3rd opinions… only to be told the same thing - and then not being able to abort so you can try again … having to endure the grief of losing the pregnancy to abortion pales in comparison to having to carry the baby to term, go through the pain and risk of birthing only to then have bury an actual baby … the pain for all is unbearable.
Men should have the right to their trauma. And women should have the right to abortion. Seems simple to me.
Again often the "trauma" of the father is self-inflicted. The father could always agree to take responsibility of the child like in the situation I described where there was no abortion because the father took responsibility for his actions. BUT Father's almost NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR WHAT THE FATHER CREATED. Every child has to have a father.
In the story about the man whose girlfriend had an abortion. I wonder, did the man agree that when his child was born he would take the child into his custody and take care of the child for the rest of his life and not bother the birth mother with caring for the child??? I remember a situation where a man actually did this and his girlfriend who was going to get an abortion decided not to and gave the man his child when she was born. The mother never had anything else to do with the child. The problem is that the father usually wants nothing to do with the child that He MADE (It takes two people to make a child), he wants the mother to take full care of the child and the father is just going to live his life as he pleases. If a father wants to take full responsibilty for a child he helped create then the the mother will gladly have the child and give him or her the father. I ONLY KNOW OF ONE CASE WHERE THE FATHER TOOK RESPONSIBLITY FOR THE CHILD AND THERE WAS NO ABORTION. There did not need to be, but again this NEVER happens. Men want women to take all the responsibility and share none of it even though every child by nature has to have a father.
Thank you for writing this. It's a tough situation, the woman must have the ultimate choice (my partner says this), but the perspective child is of both parents. Discernment might have saved his heartbreak. If he was banging women who wanted children the outcome may have been different. It seems like a conversation that should be had as you might for STIs or sexual history. I know not all people do. It's strange to be that intimate with someone you can't have an important conversation with.
Abortion is also traumatic for women, by the way. So is miscarriage. The pregnancy hormones make it a little harder.
now genetic test can prove with 99percent accuracy who is the actual father. Modern science has made it possible for Father's to take the responsibility for their actions and that do not have to worry that they are raising someone's else child. No one is argueing that a father cannot voluntarily take care of his child, but they rarely do in actual practice.
There are dedicated single fathers out there. I’ve known some. Some might have chosen if it was given as an option.
The genetic tests are very helpful, though. <3
I was pro-life and my wife aborted our child. In 2017 after I did the therapy to deal with rape, I changed to pro-choice. I am also Catholic and I understand and appreciate the importance of free-will choice.
Becoming a feminist also helped big time.
That being said, my "trauma" from this did affect me. I wanted children and family and after that happened, I went numb in a way similar to my rape.
I still am affected to this day, but my feelings and what not are on me. As for processing it, I realized that the abortion choice was also part of my issue and fault too. How? While it isn't my body, I didn't provide the proper safety and love necessary in the relationship at the time.
Later in the relationship my wife was interested in having children, but my desire went up in smoke.
Does my trauma and feelings matter? Yes, but does it matter enough to strip a woman's bodily autonomy? Fuck no.
As for the shit show of reproductive access? It appalls me to wach the pick me girls and the abusive boy-man children scream about fetus rights and what not. These folks are horrible, and TBH, I would want them to get "nailed" on their trigger points. In Texas, it should be requiring them to consent training, LGQBTIA+ acceptance, or most importantly for some of them. Banning children from Church and religion as it is like sex. Children can't consent ...
But free-will matter so I have to work out and process my "feelings", which I have seen most men and some women can't or won't.
Lots of great points. There is also often a “narcissistic injury” at play in the “loss of future” scenario.
As well as the “homunculus” notion that he IS his sperm.
Another aspect is the tragedy playing out in states with bans is the 100% valid male helplessness and rage watching a beloved woman suffer needlessly when a (wanted) pregnancy goes wrong.
Can you imagine watching your wife bleed out in a parking lot because no doctor would operate on her ectopic (for example)
Or learning as a couple that your fetus has an incurable cardiac condition that will enable possibly a few hours of painful life after birth … seeking 2nd and 3rd opinions… only to be told the same thing - and then not being able to abort so you can try again … having to endure the grief of losing the pregnancy to abortion pales in comparison to having to carry the baby to term, go through the pain and risk of birthing only to then have bury an actual baby … the pain for all is unbearable.